The last (and first) time I ignored a phone call at work, someone I loved needed me. That’s how I learned my first real lesson about family priorities. I have decided that now might be a good time to start making note of some of the lessons that I’ve come across in my life so far. Assuming that I’ve only completed about 30% of my expected life (I intend to make it to 107 years minimum). This first one is arguably one of the most cliché but it remains an important one, at least to me.

Throughout my life I’ve been told about the importance of family and how “family takes care of family” and for the large part, that has proven to be true in my experience. So much so that I grew to take it for granted. I’ve always felt that if anything were to happen that they would swoop down and rescue me from whatever peril I may have found myself in. Despite this, I somehow managed to stay pretty middle of the road for most of my life. Perhaps I should have tested this theory more often?

My Graduation from my Undegrad with myself, my mum, and my dad

Specifically, I want to talk about the lesson regarding the value of placing the importance of time on family. I immediately think of a time when I was in my third year of university and (as I say) rebelled against my parents’ recommendations and decided to take on a part-time job during the school year. Now, to be clear, prior to this, I did have work experience. I just worked in the summers and left most of my time vacant in order to focus on school (supposedly).

The First Real Part-Time Job

For the first time I had a rather consistent amount of money coming in that I had earned myself. All this AND commission! I enjoyed it and at that time in my life, I was still under the impression that everyone, including my more ancient relatives would somehow magically continue their existence into my own old age.

This was definitely a test of my personal time management skills. I was well adept in managing my academic timelines. A professional calendar colour coder! I used to take great pleasure in collecting my syllabi and plotting my course through my courses for the semester. That said, these skills easily transferred into my work time management as they were more concrete and easily prioritised due to their “set-in-stone” times.

Conversely, my personal life was always very flexible. It still is for the most part actually. Going back to the family who would do anything for me. Their plans would always be willingly set around my needs as I was the youngest AND a student. This flexibility would find itself being extended to my work life needs as well.

If my parents or grandmother had an appointment that they needed me to take them to. They would make sure that it fit in with my schedule. If they wanted to do something with me, then they would make sure that it fit into my schedule. If it didn’t then we would make it work another time.

My dad after returning home from one of his earlier hospital visits. This one is from 2017.

I was young and didn’t really want to get into any confrontations at work. For some reason, I felt that this entry-level position would have the power to dictate my future employment as a possible reference. Or some nonsense like that. In reality, who really cares about these jobs anyway? A quick side-lesson, I’ve learned that if I’m so replaceable as a worker, then the reverse must be true for my employer. For the most part, that stands true.

My desire to avoid confrontations at this job existed more in the beginning. I didn’t want to call in sick nor did I want to request too much time off. I felt that it looked bad on me and reflected poorly on my work ethic and dedication to the job. This mindset left me placing a higher priority on the needs of my entry-level job over my family. For some reason, I had adjusted the hierarchy to: Academics, Work, and then Family/Friends/Personal.

The First Phone Call

This lesson of course, is one that I would slowly come to realise towards the end of my time at this job and even more so after having resigned. During this time at my job, my then girlfriend (now wife) tried to call me at work using my personal number. We were instructed not to answer our phones in front of customers. So when she rang, I hit decline thinking that I would respond later. She rang again and I declined again. Meanwhile, I was doing very well working with a customer; apologising for the interruption of course.

I would later find that her father had passed away and amidst receiving this news, she desperately needed someone to talk to. She had just received the news while she was out. This was the first consequence I came across during this time. Someone I cared about needed my attention and I had placed a company’s profits ahead of it.

Now, in fairness, some will say “well, you couldn’t have possibly known.” Yes, you’re right. I couldn’t (and didn’t) know. She had texted me and called in the past. However, never repeatedly like that. Now, I’ve decided that no call from family is worth declining. At least, I opt not to decline the second ring.

The Second Phone Call and a Meeting

The next lesson I learned during this time came after I had broken out of my desire to avoid confrontation during this job. I had been brought into a meeting with the district manager and the manager regarding my answering a phone in front of a customer. Before I continue, I want to explain this whole scenario.

I had been working an evening shift with another colleague. It was just two of us. I had a customer come up and ask me how to do something on WhatsApp on their phone and in the middle of my walking them through things, I received a call. I briefly explained to them that it was family and asked if it was okay for me to answer the call while they troubleshoot. They said “no worries” and that it was okay with them. I had seen other colleagues do this before. I answered my phone and stated that I was at work. It turned out to be nothing significant and the call lasted at most 10 to 15 seconds. After the call, I continued with the customer and they were happy to finally figure out their issue.

After that interaction, my colleague approached me in a more authoritative tone than necessary stating “You know, you’re not supposed to answer your phone in front of customers” to which I quickly replied “The last time I didn’t answer my phone in front of a customer, somebody died.” There was no response, and it was quiet for the rest of the shift.

Now, back to the meeting. I was told that “a customer came in and complained about you answering your phone in front of them” – interesting, the same customer that had no issue and with whom I got along quite well. It is worth noting, that during my time there, I had received a number of compliments about my customer service and the satisfaction of my customers with my empathetic approach to serving them.

Because of this, I knew that there was no way that this customer made a specific trip to come in to complain. Especially since they had told me that they were preparing for a trip to see their daughter in Australia (the reason they needed WhatsApp to work; they would only have data – no texting or calling).

It was clear to me that the complainant was not the customer and was most likely my colleague. This was never confirmed, and remains an assumption to this day. Now, during the meeting I was told all about the importance of not answering phones and was scolded for being 2 minutes late for another shift. This turned into a back-and-forth between myself and the district manager. When I had explained the reasoning – that someone had died the last time I didn’t answer – she responded with “well, my sister has cancer. If she calls me and I’m at work, I don’t answer. Plain and simple.”

A photo from relay for life, you can see my mum in the background questioning my choice in jewellery

Internally, I was disgusted by this principle, especially since my own mother had had cancer. The rest of the meeting was rather uneventful BUT I did at one point hold my finger up, waving it saying “I’m not finished” – Oh, now I remember. They wanted to compromise with me about the phone. The compromise being 100/0 and not 50/50. I stood my ground and ultimately was told that I could return to work. Ultimately, there were no repercussions from this. I still got my degree. Then for some reason I returned for round two. So, zero negative impact on my life.

What did I learn from this interaction? Well, I learned how it looked from the outside to place more value on your job over your family. Not something that I felt looked good on someone and it certainly wasn’t something that I wanted to have on me. From that point, I began to shift my priorities. I was less complacent about the scheduling and made sure that I had specific days off. Luckily, I was smart about the famous blackout period, during December and claimed that I had mandatory study groups. It worked.

Moving On: What I Learned

Ultimately, I left that job. Though I enjoyed the opportunity to make my own money. It was at the cost of time with my grandmother. For the first time in years, she was living in the same town as us again. For a while, she even lived in our home. If I hadn’t been working, I could have spent all of that time with her instead. Lucky, I did leave that job while she was still alive. But I only had a few months until she would pass the summer of that same year.

I often argue that this was the biggest lesson that I have learned so far. It is definitely something that has shifted my priorities. Now, I make sure everything works around my family’s needs. I also vowed that if a job ever became too much of an interference in my family life that I would leave it. This actually did end up happening. TIWCE!

Leading Up To My Father’s Passing

I am most grateful that I learned this lesson when I did because in 2022, my father passed just days before Christmas. Strangely, I always had a feeling it would happen during this time, but that’s another story. During 2021 and 2022, I placed a substantial amount of time and importance on my family and personal life. Likely due to other external influences, but we don’t talk about 2020 anymore.

In the last couple of years leading to my father’s death, I made it a priority to make time for him. With his health going in the direction that it was going in. The increased hospital visits and doctors’ appointments. There was a part of me that knew that time was going to be short. Despite this, there was still a large part of me that denied this observation.

In these final years, I spent time making sure that I set time with him as a priority. I made sure to take lots of pictures and videos. Something that I hadn’t done with my grandmother. There are so few pictures and only one video with her voice. Another lesson I’ve learned: take lots of pictures and videos – it is entirely possible to be in the moment and still achieve this.

During the last two summers, any time it was a sunny day and not too hot. I’d suggest that we go get ice cream. I’d wheel him out and we would walk and roll along the promenade to the local ice cream and candy store. I’d go in and get us ice cream and we would make our way back home. We also went to some local restaurants and would often order in.

We made sure that all of the major events were able to be structured around his accessibility. We even used this as a rationale for having a smaller wedding at our home. Despite the original plans and grandeur of nearly 175 guests and all the fun stuff. We found ourselves having a much smaller at home wedding. We had all of our birthdays at home and kept many things low-key to ensure his comfort and inclusion. And of course, we took lots of pictures.

Leading Up To the Birth of Our Son

In 2022 we did much of the same, except we were also expecting the birth of our son later that year. We spent lots of time with my father and kept him up to date on all of the developments of is future youngest grandchild. We had the baby shower at our home as we did with everything else.

From one of the many walks, I would often coerce my mum into joining us. Made for many good photo opportunities

Later that year he was able to meet our son. Sadly, it was only a couple of times over the course of a month as he was sick twice. By this time, we had to prioritise the health of our newborn son and did not want to risk him getting sick. BUT despite this, my father did meet our son and was able to hold him. I almost didn’t get a picture. But I did. Little did I know that those would be the only pictures of the two of them together.

These lessons have translated well into my time as a parent. With my wife still attending university, and our new responsibilities as parents. I opted to accept work that did not interfere with my family life. I continued my contracts with the university as they were generally more flexible and less time consuming. I had my other part-time job that was thankfully flexible at the time and accommodated my young family. Later, when that job began to interfere too much with my personal life, I opted to discontinue my tenure there. I had planned on not working but then came across a new work opportunity doing something different.

Another Part-Time Job

Working at this new part-time job was very accommodating and refreshing at first. I was able to balance my family and my work with the university. I enjoyed interacting with the customers and (most of) my coworkers. Initially, all was good and I was able to keep to a strict Wednesday to Friday availability. However, after one of my colleagues was pushed out, it was suddenly discovered that the two of us who were hired on at the same time had complementing availability. In the scramble to fill these shifts, I was urged to take on the others. Luckily, I was older and not afraid of confrontation. I said no.

I did not want to take away from my time and opportunities to watch my son grow and work his way through the milestones. There’s a strong chance that we may opt to having an only child. With that in mind, I want to miss as little as possible. Part of my wanting to have a child was also to be a parent to the child. Something that I find rather challenging to do when I’m not present.

The only picture of the three of us. Also yes, I blocked out our son’s face. Digital footprint and all, you know

Later this job too would be cut loose. This is the second time and currently the last time I have done this. I resigned citing that my life was not able to accommodate the needs of the workplace. It was giving “it’s not you, it’s me.” I simply didn’t show up after that. Of course, there’s more leading up to this particular exit. Maybe another time.

Lessons in the Present Day

That brings us to now. The present day. At the time of writing this in 2025, it is the 31st of March. It’s approaching nearly a year since I left my most recent part-time job. Of course, I still maintained my contracts at the university. I’ve been managing well with just that. Most importantly, my time is far more flexible and I’ve been so happy to be able to spend time with my family.

This is a lesson that is often learned by some much later in life. With that, I’m glad that I was able to learn it while I’m still fairly young. I must also acknowledge that this lesson and the ability to enact it comes with an immense amount of privilege. Privilege that again, comes from the supportive nature of my family. We live in the same house as my mother, though we’re still separated. She’s able to keep to herself if she so chooses. Though, really, it’s more if we happen to be out and about. Otherwise, we tend to drop in.

In the end, I suppose the main takeaway that I hope you have gained from this is that our families’ time is finite. As is our own time. Together, that time is even more precious and unpredictable. Work on the other hand, is something we can always find. We just have to be willing to do anything and set our boundaries with work from the start.

As I put the finishing touches on this, my wife is putting our son to bed, and my mum is downstairs, probably doomscrolling on TikTok. I sit here happily knowing that I won’t miss a moment of my son’s life and that I’ll be present with my family as much as I possibly can - something that is worth far more than a paycheque. I’ll leave you with some simple words my father once told me, “money will always find its way to you, time will not.”

Lessons In Life: Part I – Family Priorities